This house was built for laser tag.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
