Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
