I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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