I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
