Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
