he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
