I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
