party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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