so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
