if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
