he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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