I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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