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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize