and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
