I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
