If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
