mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
