The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
