dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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