I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
