now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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