At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize