Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
