The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
