Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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