u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
