Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sobbing to NWA
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