So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
