Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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