I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
