my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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