I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
