You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
