Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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