so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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