: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
