$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
