just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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