cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
