You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
