No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize