take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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