My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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