I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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