If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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