P.S. I can't hear my feet
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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