You really coming over, don't trick.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
please don't ironically join a cult
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