i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
