Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
