The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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