The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
