Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
