why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
