I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
