There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
