1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
