How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
