I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize