nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
