I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
