I'm really into asian looking animals
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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