It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
