my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
