I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
