If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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