This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
