tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
not ubering you a puppy
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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