Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
