it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
